and nothing but the poop! So help me.

Toilets come to the ReSource in many types and colors and styles and generally sell for about 25 dollars. Whatever the price, or how fancy or not, they all do the same thankless job – whisk away waste in a clean and a (relatively) odorless manner!
Since last winter the ReSource has grown in size, scope, and mission. Importantly, we now have functioning, lighted, and heated restrooms and no longer have to risk frost bite on our nether regions, trudging outside in 5 degree weather to use the porta-potty. So, in honor of our new facilities Caesandra asked me to say a few words about the humble commode.

One of the first dichotomies to develop in humans is our relationship with our poop. Babies learn the humor of poopies early on and (at least in males) it never goes away. Everyone poops, as the children’s book says, but no one admits it. However, even most adults snicker, except maybe the Queen of England, when toilet humor is invoked. This dichotomy is the basis of every 12-year old boy’s mantra: “he who denied it, supplied it”.
Q: Did you hear about Robin Hood’s house?  A: It has a little John.
Like Rodney Dangerfield, the toilet just gets no respect, so I’m here to have a intellectual and serious discourse on the importance and merits of the commode – without snickering -Ok, a little snickering. I’m a guy after all.
The toilet is one civilization’s most important inventions. It’s not just an ideal locale for reading TV Guide; it’s critical in the establishment of human societies. Praise is always heaped upon the plow, the steam engine, and the printing press, while the humble toilet, which dutifully fulfills its task six to eight times a day for the average adult, is relegated to cheap humor.

The plow is the reason for the toilet, the steam engine is gone, and the printing press is becoming a dinosaur, but the toilet endures. Human settlements could never have expanded beyond the size of a few families without sanitation systems. All civilizations since the first urban centers in the Indus Valley have struggled with the problem of disposing of human waste. It’s a simple fact, known even to animals, that if too many people settle in one place the filth quickly piles up, taints the water supplies, creates disease and attracts vermin. They are really disgusting diseases too!
Ancient societies knew well that too much of their “ah ah” was harmful, although they didn’t know why. The ancient Romans obsessed about cleanliness and championed the commode throughout the empire. Business and social meetings were conducted on communal potties, and they even shared the sponge on a stick! Perhaps the saying “talkin s%&t” arose in this context? Roman governors regularly reminded conquered subjects – often by crucifixion – that the Roman yoke was a gift due to the toilets they brought. There is a corn kernel of truth here because lifespan and life quality plummeted after Rome collapsed in 405 AD. Roman civilization was lost as Europe descended into the dark ages which were considered dark in large part because people now lived in crowded, filthy, and unsanitary conditions. These conditions were just heaven for plague causing bacteria and the vermin that carry them. Cholera and typhoid were medieval favorites. Cholera a smart bug because it causes terrible diarrhea. Without sanitation one person’s infected waste contaminates the drinking water. More people drank the water and contract cholera. They further contaminate the water which infects more people. They told two friend, who told two friends, who told two friends…
Human waste and stagnant water further attracted rats, mice, which carried fleas and lice, which carried bubonic plague and malaria, like a malevolent version of “The Old Lady Who Swallowed the Fly”. Bubonic plagues extinguished 2/3 of Europe’s population!
The lid was eventually lifted as the Renaissance began. People began to realize the importance of not living with out BMs. Leonardo DaVinci apparently designed a flushing toilet system which was rejected as nonsense. Perfume and powdered wigs were considered a better solution to the stink. Sir John Harrington (1596) is credited with building the first real flusher toilet for Queen Elizabeth I. Sir John’s john flushed the royal droppings straight into the sewer but also let sewer smells and gas back into the room. His idea was deemed unworkable until 1775 when Alexander Cummings added an S-shaped trap which stayed filled with water and kept sewer gasses from coming back. Now one could not drop a bomb in the Queen’s throne room and live to tell about it. Just for clarity, Sir Thomas Crapper did not invent the crapper! He made minor modifications to Cumming’s design. He was never knighted either!
So here we are today with toilets of all kinds and styles. Despite the style and bling afforded them these days, they are essentially the same as Alexander Cumming’s toilet which is still keeping civilization together.
In conclusion, here are some facts and figures that illustrate the stupendous – or should I say poop-pendous job the toilet does:

“Thank you toilet bowl. Thank you so much for being cool on the side. Only you understand me, Toilet Bowl. You’re the only friend I have! My wonderful toilet bowl!”–Bill Cosby “Himself” 1983

-Medical texs states that an average adult in the United States produces approximately 1/3 lb of feces ever day.

-If the city of Buffalo (290,000 people) had no toilets then we’d have to contend with 95,700 pounds of poop a day, or 34 MILLION pounds of poop a year.

-New York City has 17 million people and thus produces 2 BILLION pounds of poop per year. Perhaps it should be renamed the Big Crapple.

-Toilets made before 1992 use 3½ gallons of DRINKABLE water per flush.

-Toilets made after 1992 (Low-flow toilets) are mandated to use 1.6 DRINKABLE gallons per flush.

-There is considerable disagreement about whether low-flow toilets actually save water because surveys indicate that people often flush more than once, especially for large loads.

-Need more?  Check out The Toilet Museum